Living the Dream

Pillow Talk

(Vegas edition)

by

Clio Soleil

I've been up all night. Fell asleep at 5:30, but was up again at 10 and am feeling it now. What's got me restless is not the fact that I'm homeless. I got the news that I had to move a week ago and believe me, I welcome the opportunity to once again have warm showers. I'm not restless because I'm broke; been broke for so long now, that almost feels normal. I'm not restless because I'm jobless. Well, I'm a little bit restless over that, but mostly completely dumbfounded at how I have been turned down for job after job, mixed with a little retrospective sneering for even leaving academia in the first place. But what's done is done and I wouldn't want it any other way, so there's little point in being anything but optimistic and happy.

Besides, thanks to Linda and Laura, I have a car now. Bought for $200, slightly wrecked and in dire need of a detail, this little green car represents more to me than transportation... it's a way out. And since I can be quite comfortable living out of a suitcase, life can only get better from here!

No, what's got me all excited is the good news bomb my Honey B just dropped on me. But first, some backstory...

I was reading the Bible, New Testament, James 2:1-4. It was a random chapter selection; I wanted something to read over the last meal (dinner) I had just prepared. Initially went for the Hebrew Bible, but don’t have it in a digital format yet, and since all my data is digital, that means I don't have it at all. So I spun the wheel with the one that has Jesus. What can I say, I’m a fan of all God’s work! :)

Anyway, it started off to sympathetic ears:

Trials and Temptations
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So I kept reading. The second chapter hit me a bit harder. It reads:

Favoritism Forbidden
2 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. 2Suppose someone comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor person in filthy old clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the one wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the one who is poor, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

I suddenly found myself thinking of Talia because I was guilty of that with her. I gave her as much as I could, but even then I knew in my heart I should have opened up my home more… I just wasn’t mature enough to do that. I viewed her as my friend, but as my friend from the street… she was dirty. Not bad, just dirty, and because I lived in such a tiny place in such a dirty city, I fought to keep it clean. Plus, we would have had to share the bathroom and bed - my entire flat was the size of most American's master bedroom. But it wasn't the street, and I should have shared the wealth. Or at least, I feel that way. But at the time, I never considered that she too, given her druthers, might be the same way as me and was simply doing the best she could with her circumstance.

Now, on verge of becoming more like her: (or at least the American 60's hippie version) homeless, scattered, struggling, and doing the best I can with my situation, this passage drove home to me that we do indeed reap what we sow. I suddenly cried and found myself asking for forgiveness from her. I didn’t bemoan my fate, but regretted that I had failed to recognize such an important lesson and was now putting my friends in the same uncomfortable position of having to watch someone they care about struggle to survive on the street.

You could say life had me a bit emotional.

So all that’s running through my head as I’m lazily packing, right before I called B, when he floored me with an offer of cash to move to Vegas and follow my dream of being a professional poker player and lounge/torch singer!

But was it wise to drive across the country in a $200 car, and move to a city where I have limited contacts? Could I really do all this in the span of 3 days? It was either madness or genius. (Remarkable how often those two traits coincide!) I fell into shock. I didn't have time to think about whether or not it was a good idea, for this was opportunity not knocking, but knocking down the door! I couldn't think about leaving all the friends I had recently made in Indiana, especially Linda, Laura, and I couldn't dare think of leaving B, for the first thought would send me into tears. All I knew is that unless there was a lot of work done between now and then, the option wasn't even an option. Initially, I wasn't planning on moving so far, but now that I had a goal and a destination, well, everything needed was there to make it so, the rest was up to me.

The first step was packing. Fortunately, I had done this sort of thing before. For a woman like me, there are three kinds of essential toiletries: cleanse, beauty, hair. The red bag below contains all the stuff I need to get my body (and hair) clean: shower gel, shampoo, two kinds of conditioner, facial wash, astringent, travel toilet wipes, body lotion, and a minimal product line for doing hair including scalp serum, mousse, and hairspray. The gold bag contains everything needed for the face to make me pretty: lotion, makeup, remover, tweezing kit (face & body), and mani-pedi kit. The black shoebox has minimal hair stuff: a blow dryer, wet brush, and dry brush. Finally, the second shoebox is for styling hair. Strictly speaking, not necessary, but containing curling irons, straighteners, and hair ties.

With the essentials packed, it was time to move on to clothes. First, office wear:

Not a lot, just a week's worth of clothes, but if I go to a different casino each day, I could stretch that into a month's wardrobe. Clearly, this is for the spring, summer, and fall months. Next comes casual wear:

What's missing are the Indiana ubiquitous jeans. I think it's time to leave denim behind with the corn fields. I barely get packed in time, but it all fits comfortably in the car (along with the piano, amp, and me). It's 1am and Laura is on her way over. She'll be here through the night and after she leaves, I'll curl up on the floor and get some sleep before setting out to follow my dreams.